Once again, it’s Christmas time in South Park. When all the tallies are in, Cartman is over drawn in the “naughty” column. He has to score one big “nice” to be eligible for Christmas presents this year. With the help of Santa, Mr. Hankey and Jesus, Cartman attempts to bring Christmas to the downtrodden citizens of Iraq.

When a 32 year old man claiming to be Stan from the future shows up in South Park, young Stan is forced to come to terms with the loser he will become. Meanwhile, South Park’s own little entrepreneur, Eric Cartman is at the helm a new money making venture. Cartman is in the business of revenge.

When a famous psychic fails to help him exorcise Kenny from his body, Cartman takes other steps to achieve his goal. He and Chef travel to the moors of Scotland, where Chef’s mom tries a little of her voodoo magic on him. Meanwhile, after the boy’s encounter with the TV psychic, Kyle is paralyzed with fear at the thought of members of the spirit world watching over him. Only by debunking those who claim they can communicate with the dead can Stan save Kyle.

A loveable new character, Mr Slave, makes his debut as Mr. Garrison desperately tries to get fired from his new job as the boys’ 4th grade teacher. Meanwhile, our little heroes get sent to the Deathcamp of Intolerance for not tolerating Mr. Garrison’s intolerable behavior (e.g. sticking a gerbil up Mr. Slave’s ass). Lemmiwinks (the afore-mentioned gerbil) guest-stars.

The boys are on a mission: return “The Lord of the Rings” to the Two Towers Video Store in Conifer. But this is no ordinary copy. Butters (”My precious…”), the evil sixth graders, and the boys’ parents all try to steal the ring, er tape, from the boys. Will they succeed? What do you think? J.R.R. Tolkien must be spinning in his grave.

The boys have to find a way to reach Kenny before they lose their chance at untold candy riches; and what better way to achieve this than a ladder to heaven, because Kenny’s dead. Said ladder quickly becomes a national sensation, leading to lame (redundant, I know) country songs and the usual government intervention. Will the boys succeed? In a word or two: sort of.

In an effort to protect their children from kidnappers, the parents of South Park hire the owner and operator of the local City Wok to build a Great Wall around the city. When crazy things like Kid trackers and Mongolions come into the picture. The parents learn a very important lesson themselves about trusting strangers.

After nearly five years and 89 episodes, it finally happens: Cartman gets kicked out of the gang. The reason? Bebe gets boobs and the boys go ape, threatening their friendships and society as we know it.

The boys campaign to save movies from directors hellbent on “improving them”; unfortunately, the townspeople are consumed with their own campaign to free a convicted baby killer (don’t ask). In true Hollywood fashion, the hero you least expected, Tweek, emerges; and in true South Park fashion, he fails miserably. Luckily, everything works out in the end…sort of.

“Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys” you say? Not on Priest Maxi’s watch. Even if it means traveling to the Vatican and enduring the real-life challenges of a 4K video game, circa 1982. Oh, and Cartman craps out of his mouth.