When nearby Ogdenville’s economy crumbles due to tainted barley discovered in Krusty’s veggie burgers, the unemployed workers of Ogdenville flock to Springfield. After Mayor Quimby closes Springfield’s borders and enlists private citizens to help patrol them, Homer organizes a border patrol group.

Marge and Lisa visit the nail salon where they engage in a spirited debate as to whether a woman can be smart, powerful and beautiful all at the same time and spin four tales of famous women featuring famous Springfield faces:
Selma as Queen Elizabeth I.
Lisa as Snow White.
Marge as Lady Macbeth.
Maggie as the idealistic architect protagonist from Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead.

When Springfield Elementary is rated the worst school in the state Marge and Homer rent an apartment in the well-to-do Waverly Hills school district so their kids have a shot at a better education.

Homer takes an overbearing approach to parenting Bart and Lisa with disastrous results. Meanwhile Marge takes a liking to the new sauna she discovers in the basement.

Bart falls in love with a charitable girl named Jenny, prompting Bart to behave in order to date her. However, she discovers his true personality, causing him to end up reverting back to his old ways.

Moe falls in love with a woman over the Internet. When he meets her in person, she turns out to be three feet tall. He remains in love with her, but worries about what his friends will think.

When Homer and Marge’s marriage turns out to be invalid, Homer asks Marge to marry him again. But after Homer mysteriously disappears on their wedding day, Bart and Lisa search for clues and try to solve the case.

Homer neglects Grampa by not joining him in a three-legged race. To make up for it, he agrees to take Grampa to O’Flanagan’s pub in Ireland where Grampa claims he had the best night of his life.

Homer leaves Maggie on the doorstep of a convent and the nuns take her in. Lisa tries to infiltrate the convent and rescue Maggie and discovers a series of messages that could lead her to a coveted jewel.

Homer and Marge’s mortgage rate rises and they are forced to sell their house. Flanders buys the property and becomes their new landlord. Homer accuses him of neglecting their unsafe living conditions and Flanders threatens to throw them out.